I Make a Racist Looking Cop

If you haven't seen the music video for the hit song "Winning Streak" by Shaboozey, you should check it out now. I'm in it, and I look like a racist cop.

It was a blast being on set and I only minorly screwed up the filming schedule by not being able to drive stick shift and stalling the cop car seven different times. This is why I stick to writing - that and the fact that I'm a terrible actor. 

There's supposed to be an official behind the scenes coming out at some point. Hopefully they didn't focus too much on me.

Happy Father's Day to Ward McMasters

It's no secret that Father's Day was yesterday. And what do you get for the man who has it all? In this case the answer is nothing, because he's in Arizona on vacation without me. But then I realized that I can give him the gift that keeps on giving, an article on WardMcMasters.com.

This is a picture from the past. The three of us on the left were not invited to Arizona.

I strategically waited until Monday to write this, that way it won't get ignored in the deluge of Father's Day Facebook posts. Also, my dad still doesn't have a Facebook (gotta still post it for the internet likes). I could ramble on with vague praise about how he's the best dad ever, but I'd rather get specific. Here's a list of the ways my dad has looked out for me.

1. Paying for shit - Really can't say enough about this point. Not having to pay for food, shelter, and cable television growing up was really a plus. I thought being able to support yourself would be way more fulfilling. Dead wrong. Beer is expensive.

2. Not letting me look like a complete idiot - This man once offered to pay 16 year old me a decent amount of money to cut my hair. I thought having hair down to my shoulders was cool. The ladies did not agree. Good look dad.

3. Making me do manual labor - Sometimes I feel like my job can get a little boring when I'm busy staring at a computer for 8 hours a day. Then I remember how much shoveling mulch sucks and I don't feel so bad. 

4. Not getting too mad about this website - He secretly enjoys this site. He just won't admit it.

5. Supporting me - I've made some good decisions and some pretty dumb decisions, but no matter what Ward McMasters has always been there to support and encourage me. You're a great father and I'm proud to share a name with you. I had to have at least one serious bullet point. This is as mushy as these blog posts will get. 

And, as the final part of my Father's Day gift, drum roll please... I am willing to let my father write one article that I will agree to publish on this website (given editorial approval of course). Take it or leave it. 

Fresh Post! Ward McMasters Updates

It's been about four months since my last blog post, and I'm sure that you've all been checking back daily only to be disappointed by the lack of content. Fortunately for you, my lazy ass has decided to finally post again. Here's an update of what has happened in the past several months:

• I almost let this domain name lapse. Thankfully I renewed it with several days to spare for the reasonable price of $15.50. There were likely hundreds of people waiting to pounce on the hot domain WardMcMasters.com, but now they will have to settle for WardMcMasters.net, .biz, or .world (all still available as of today). 
• Ward McMasters turned 55, I think. I know it's some number in the mid-fifties, but I've never been one to waste time with journalistic integrity. I debated getting him the website "unofficialwardmcmasters.com" as a present, but instead I got him a gift certificate to Top Golf.
• Our house almost burnt down. This probably should have been the first bullet, but oh well. Thanks to the good people at the DC Fire Department, the fire did not spread from the adjacent row home. Still, everything smelled like smoke for awhile after that. I also learned that, when evacuating a smoke filled house, my first instincts were to grab my laptop and whatever beer was in the fridge. Who needs their passport or social security card anyway.
• I posted my second ever Instagram post. It got 35 likes. It's only a matter of time before I get Instagram famous in 2016. 
• WardMcMasters.com was, for a brief time, the number one result on Google when you searched "Ward McMasters." Unfortunately, due to my lack of posting, it has now sunk to fifth. I don't know how SEO works, but I assume if I say Ward McMasters enough times I will get back to first. Ward McMasters.
• I'm sure I missed a lot of other things that happened, but it's Saturday and I'm kind of hungover and can't think of them. I can always edit this later. In the meantime, I'll be accepting new potential blog topic submissions via email, Twitter, or Tinder message.

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Shameless plug: follow me on Instagram @iloveward

A Ward McMasters Thanksgiving

It's that time of year again, Thanksgiving! A time for family, food, and threats of frivolous lawsuits demanding this domain be taken down. As a result of watching too much Food Network lately, here is my review of the event.

Review of McMasters Family Thanksgiving:
Turkey: A-   Delicious, but it took a little long to cook and I had to resort to eating leftover crab dip from the fridge
Crab Dip: A+   While not normally a Thanksgiving staple of the Thanksgiving meal, this surprisingly hit the spot.
Beer: A+   The best things in life are free.
The Seating: D-   As always I ended up with a foldable picnic chair when we underestimated the necessary amount of seating
Overall Experience: A-   It is always great having all three Ward McMasters in the same room. However, I can't give a full A or A+ because my father refused my very reasonable offer to sell him this domain for a mere $10,000. 

Bonus Thanksgiving Fun Fact: According to my grandfather, his grandfather (also named Ward) was a model for either cigarette or beer ads. He wasn't sure which, but either way I'm considering a new career path.